So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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