i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
