First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
