please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
