I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
