So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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