She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
