So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.