Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out

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(301): View more from Maryland

Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(270): View more from Kentucky

Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.

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(813): View more from Florida

I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.

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(425): View more from Washington

Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?

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(905): View more from Ontario

Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.

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(406): View more from Montana

at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk

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