I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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