My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
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how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...