Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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