I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
