WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
