I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
