the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
