It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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