i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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