It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
