rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
