Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
