david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
