her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
high people should be assigned attendants
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
