please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
