I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
