Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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