between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
