His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
