You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
