Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Randomize
