I think my vagina is haunted
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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