fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
