is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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