Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
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sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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