Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
