You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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