His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
