i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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