So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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