So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
