That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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