As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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