The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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