I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
