just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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