TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
