Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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