does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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