she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
