Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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