I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
