Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
