SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
