The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
