This girl is more easily done than said...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
