she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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