Kiss
Puke
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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