I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
