If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I need to calm my uterus...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
