You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
