I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
