I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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