dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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