if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize