Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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