9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be