i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.