happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
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I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is