It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar