Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.

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(210): i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home. http://tfl.nu/eggw

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(503): View more from Oregon

I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed

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(503): I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed http://tfl.nu/wtld

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(623): View more from Arizona

Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.

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(623): Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/vksk

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(919): View more from North Carolina

so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?

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(919): so are you any less fat since you started doing blow? http://tfl.nu/jikm

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(641): View more from Iowa

Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?

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(641): Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug? http://tfl.nu/o9ys

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(519): View more from Ontario

That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.

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(519): That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked. http://tfl.nu/ff8s

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(713): View more from Texas

I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.

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(713): I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells. http://tfl.nu/5vl5

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?

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(780): Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem? http://tfl.nu/k3dz

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.

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(304): I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life. http://tfl.nu/wtpe

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?

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(610): Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos? http://tfl.nu/shbv

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(207): View more from Maine

I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success

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(207): I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success http://tfl.nu/d8wt

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(847): View more from Illinois

The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.

(312): View more from Illinois

Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE

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(847): The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking. (312): Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE http://tfl.nu/m86e

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.

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(202): We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy. http://tfl.nu/mfv7

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(513): View more from Ohio

No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?

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(513): No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand? http://tfl.nu/roqu

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(425): View more from Washington

I could run a drunk marathon in heels

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(425): I could run a drunk marathon in heels http://tfl.nu/oxgs

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