Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle

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  (512): My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle http://tfl.nu/nk60
  Replies (44) Good night (2638) Bad night (822)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

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  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8770) Bad night (1298)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.

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  (308): whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on. http://tfl.nu/zd9d
  Replies (28) Good night (1249) Bad night (5255)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

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  (417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51
  Replies (10) Good night (6015) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

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  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (14350) Bad night (1381)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin

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  (630): Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin http://tfl.nu/3pnd
  Replies (30) Good night (1187) Bad night (3646)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.

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  (303): It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet. http://tfl.nu/tf1g
  Replies (14) Good night (1041) Bad night (3823)
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  (408): View more from California

  My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?

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  (408): My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know? http://tfl.nu/68pr
  Replies (8) Good night (2514) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here

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  (240): Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here http://tfl.nu/mwmy
  Replies (5) Good night (1641) Bad night (697)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters

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  (708): They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters http://tfl.nu/nwd9
  Replies (2) Good night (1099) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.

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  (775): Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected. http://tfl.nu/2ksx
  Replies (6) Good night (404) Bad night (2142)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?

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  (971): Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics? http://tfl.nu/fki4
  Replies (9) Good night (1336) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.

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  (631): I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation. http://tfl.nu/bilr
  Replies (1) Good night (1031) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding

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  (503): We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding http://tfl.nu/3uk9
  Replies (8) Good night (669) Bad night (1623)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We were licking ciroc off the poker table

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  (908): We were licking ciroc off the poker table http://tfl.nu/515k
  Replies (0) Good night (240) Bad night (603)

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