were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half