I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
